I am 32 years old and unmarried and also the prime reason for my mother's insomnia.
Once upon a time, I used to be the reason for my parents' pride - always great at school, among the class topers, district topper in 12th boards, got into a good engineering college and got selected for a dream company in campus. But all that was 10 years ago. Now, I am mostly known as the unmarried 30+ lady in the extended family. Someone that all the elderly ladies look at with pity. As if I life has been unkind and unfair to poor me :-)
I passed out of college as a 9 pointer and got into a very big MNC immediately at a salary package of 8 Lakhs that was considered top class for 2012. Fast forward to current date, I still work at an MNC with a salary package of well over a crore - that is a 15x of my package in 11 years. I got to work on loads of interesting projects with each one giving me the opportunity to learn a new piece of technology. 11 years flew in a blink of an eye from my perspective.
While it is obvious that my professional life is at a high, my personal life has gone no where in these 11 years. A few years ago, my parents tried to get me into an arrange marriage, but that just did not work out.
As I age and my friends too, I have a curb-side view of marriage really is as opposed to what the popular movies portray to us. Marriage as I understand , at least in India, is truly a union of the girl and the boy + the boy's family.
Most couples I see have the following attributes :
- Wife is responsible to take care of the household chores, irrespective of the fact whether she works or not. It is upto her to appoint a maid to help or do it herself.
- Most likely the husband's parents will also live with the couple and the wife has to adjust and share her home with these new humans whether she likes them or not.
- If kids are also part of the equation, their quality of education depends on whether the wife brings in money to the household. Most fathers in India are concerned with their careers more than their children's future. This is based on the sample set that I have come across.
- If you are lucky, you might get a husband who will understand all that you do and maybe give you a gift or two and take you for a yearly vacation. Nothing more, nothing less. Indian men are not taught to take on household responsibilities. They at best are understanding of the wife's situation but that does not yield into the action of sharing responsibilities on a long term basis.
When I think about all of the above, I really cannot convince my logical brain that I need to get into marriage and take up so much additional burden for getting a useless but loving partner at best. At least, I cannot convince myself for an arranged marriage. If I fell in love with someone, at least there is some meaning to go through the hardship.
For the financially independent women today, at least in urban cities, I believe marriage is just an option and not a mandate anymore.
I believe it is far better to be "Jagat Janani" rather than just a "Janani".
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